Attack of Heero the groper...
by Pitpot
Summary: ...you don't want to know...well..maybe ya do! ^_^ *bursts out laughing* I'm sorry!!I couldn't help myself!!!!ACKKK!!


attack

  
UM...I don't own gundam wing...I'm not trying o make fun of people who have any kind of cancer, it's just a silly little hentai fic. *puppy eyes* so don't  
sue me or hurt me! Please give me feedback! I thrive on feedback!!!! This is dedicated to all you hentais out there!   
  
  
It was a fairly nice day for Heero Yuy. He hadn't gotten any missions in the past few days,  
so he had been able to spend quality time with Duo. Heero was busy checking  
for missions on his laptop and the other pilots where doing various things. At that moment Heero received a mission.  
  
Code name: Heero  
  
Mission: Secretly check all gundam pilots for prostate cancer.  
read attachment to learn how to check for prostate cancer correctly.  
  
Love, the scientists....(just kidding)  
  
Heero raised an eyebrow. He read through the attachment, his eyes widening as he   
neared the end of it. How am I going to do this!' Heero thought. Duo will be the  
easiest, so I'll check him first.' Heero sighed and turned off his laptop and went to find Duo.  
  
  
*********************************  
  
Sitting on a rock in the secluded part of the forest, Duo was humming and playing with the  
end of his braid. Heero quietly approached Duo from behind.  
Heero, didn't exactly know how to go about with this.  
Oh, Hiya Hee-koi! Duo greeted as he turned to face Heero.  
Heero paused. It's now or never!'   
Heero suddenly kneeled in front of Duo and unzipped his pants. Duo's eyes widened.  
  
Heero hned and stuck his hand down Duo's boxers and carefully checked him for prostate  
cancer. Finding no signs he took his hand out and zipped Duo back up.  
Duo was shocked and confused at Heeros strange behavior.  
What in the he- Duo was about to say something but Heero leaned over and soundly  
kissed Duo on the lips.   
Heero got up and quickly ran back to the safe house.  
oh, real smooth. Who next?' Heero pondered this for awhile. This sucks! I'm not going  
to get any from Duo for a long time.' Heero glared at a tree. The tree winced and poofed  
into a chicken and ran away.  
DAMMIT ALL!! Heero cried out.  
Heero walked stiffly into the gundam hanger to find Trowa.[1]  
  
  
**************************   
  
Trowa had his back turned to and was working on Heavyarm's...toe?  
Heero walked to Trowa and without pausing grabbed Trowa and Spun him around.  
Trowa exclaimed as he was pushed up against Heavy arms and   
kissed by Heero Yuy. Trowa tried to push Heero back, but to no avail. Heero, still   
kissing Trowa, stuck his hand down his pants and felt around for signs of prostate cancer.  
Again finding no signs he took his hand away and bolted from the hanger.  
Trowa was left sitting stupidly and dazed on the floor. (he has @_@ type eyes!)  
  
  
************************  
  
Heero looked around, Quatre would have to be next.  
Heero, winced. I really, really, really hope Duo will understand, I couldn't bear to lose him.'   
Heero thought as he walked into the kitchen. Quatre was washing dishes. [2]   
Heero crept up directly behind Quatre, then pulled Quatre tight against him.   
Quatre's eyes went round as he felt Heero's hand slid into his pants and start groping him.  
Hee...Heero!! What do you think your doing!!...AGH!!! TROWAAAA!!! Quatre dropped  
the tea cup he had been holding as he tried in vain to take Heero's hand out of his pants.  
Heero took out his hand and ran away, but only after grabbing a cookie that Duo had made.  
  
  
*************************  
  
Duo had just stepped into their safe house when he heard someone screaming.   
He raced into the kitchen to find Quatre sobbing into Trowa's shoulder.  
  
What happened??? Duo asked as he looked around.  
Oh, Quatre cut his finger on some glass...but he's alright. Trowa informed Duo.  
Oh....well, scare me to death then!....Have you guys noticed something weird about  
Heero lately? Duo questioned his fellow pilots.  
Trowa said thoughtfully, Today when I was in the hanger, Heero came up and  
stuck his hand down my pants. Trowa stated calmly.  
Quatre's eyes widened.   
Heero did the same thing to me when I was washing dishes!!!   
Duo blinked, Heero did that to me too, the only unusual thing about it was, he never  
finished....  
A light bulb flashed over Duo's head.   
Heero, you are sooooo dead. Duo mumbled as his eyes narrowed and he pulled the string to turn off the light bulb.  
Wait Duo! Let's go ask Heero about it before we jump to conclusions, ne? Quatre pleaded for Heero's safety.  
Duo nodded.  
I really want to know how he will explain this.  
  
  
*************************  
  
Heero was silently walking up to Wufei's room. Well, Quatre probably went and told  
Trowa, so they're probably thinking what I'm up to.'  
Heero grumbled and knocked on Wufei's door.  
  
What do you want? Wufei shouted.  
er....I need to brief you on a mission. That sounds so lame.' Heero thought.  
.......come in.   
  
Heero opened the door and went inside and shut the door behind him. Wufei looked  
at him questioningly from where he sat on the bed. Heero took a deep breath and   
walked over to Wufei and pinned him down on his back.   
Kisama!! Unhand me!! Wufei yelled as Heero stuck his hand down the struggling Wufei's  
pants and checked him for any signs of cancer.  
Wufei finally managed to get free, but only Heero had fled the room.  
  
  
************************  
  
  
  
The three pilots exchanged glances.  
They shouted in unison and ran upstairs.  
They burst into Wufei's room and saw a quick glimpse of Wufei grabbing his sword  
before rushing out of the room.  
The pilots sweat dropped and ran after Wufei.  
  
  
***************************  
  
Oh no....by now they all know that something must be up.'  
Heero paced back and forth as the shouting and yelling grew closer.  
Duo must be raving, what am I going to do?!?' Heero thought wildly, then went and locked the door.  
Either way I'm screwed.'  
Heero winced and unlocked the door and stepped into the hallway.   
At that moment four blurs smashed into Heero and a black and a white blur attacked Heero.  
  
Duo! Wufei! You must not fight! Quatre watched as Heero was tackled to the floor.   
Bit's of clothing flew off until Heero was completely naked.  
Quatre and Trowa sweat dropped.  
  
  
  
Duo and Wufei stared at Trowa, then they got up and dusted themselves off.  
Er, how did you guys manage to rip all of Heero's clothes off? Quatre asked as he hid behind Trowa.  
From all the fighting, duh. Duo replied stupidly.  
Let's all go downstairs to talk this over. Quatre suggested.  
The other pilots nodded and headed downstairs  
  
  
**************************  
  
The gundam pilots sat on the couch, except for Heero who sat on the floor in front of them.  
Okay, Heero what is this all about. Quatre asked timidly.  
Yeah! Isn't Maxwell good enough for you!!!!! Wufei shouted.  
Yeah! What about me Heero! You said you loved me! Duo yelled angrily.  
Trowa commented.  
The four pilots nodded and waited for Heero to answer.  
  
Heero sighed and prepared himself to tell the truth.  
  
It was a mission from the scientists.  
TO GROPE US ALL?!?!?!? Wufei yelled enraged.  
I wasn't groping you! Heero shouted back.  
Like hell!!!! Wufei was starting to turn red.  
Duo was squirming uncomfortably.  
Calm down and let Heero explain. Quatre tried to say calmly but ended up shouting.  
eh hem...The mission was to secretly check all gundam pilots for prostate cancer. Heero said in one breath.  
So you see, Heero continued, I couldn't just ask you to let me check you for cancer.  
Oh, that makes sense. Quatre said nodding.  
So, you weren't cheating on me then? Duo asked tearfully.  
Never Duo...because...I......I love you.   
Oh Heero! I love you too! Duo cried as he threw himself into Heero's arms.  
I'm sorry for acting so mean. Duo wiped away a tear as he appologized.  
We're all sorry for jumping to conclusions, and ripping up your clothes.  
Quatre added as Trowa and Wufei nodded.  
My most humble apologies, Yuy.  
It's alright.  
So, did any of us have prostate cancer? Quatre asked curiously.  
Not that I could tell. Oh shit! I didn't check myself! Heero cried and reached under Duo and checked himself for cancer.  
Nope, no one here has prostate cancer. Heero told everyone.  
Heero, you should teach us all how to check ourselves. Trowa stated. [3]  
  
Heero raised an eyebrow but agreed.  
Well, first you all might as well strip, that would make it easiest.  
Duo got off Heero's lap and stripped to nothing, so did the other gundam pilots.  
Okay, then you go like this. Heero demonstrated and the others then mimicked it.  
Good, then you just go like this. Heero finished showing them.  
Oh, that's not so hard. Quatre said as he showed Trowa the right way to do it.  
I just can't get it right! Duo said frustrated.  
Here, let me show you. Heero said as he leaned over Duo and took Duo's hands in his and showed him how to do it.  
  
  
**************************  
  
Relena got out of her pink limo and straightened her skirt.  
I've finally found you Heero, now we can be together forever.  
Relena smiled and walked to the front door. She pushed her hair back behind her ear, and adjusted her wonder bra. [4]  
My darling Heero won't mind if I just walk in. She said to herself as she entered into the house.  
I don't hear anyone...Where could my love be?' She thought as she walked around.  
  
When she entered the living room, she came upon a startling sight. Quatre was bent  
over Trowa and....he was doing.... Oh my!' Relena thought.  
Her gaze moved to an even more startling sight, her beloved Heero was leaning over Duo and....doing some horrible deed!  
It's that demon Duo! He's making my darling Heero do such things.' Relena reassured herself.  
  
Relena cried and stepped into the living room to stand before them.  
Heero winced.  
  
She smiled and reached out her hand.  
Hey Relena...are you....are you wearing a wonder bra? Heero asked snickering.  
The other gundam pilots paused and burst out laughing.  
  
That's not how love scenes go!' She thought in her head.  
Relena frowned.  
  
Heero! I've come to save you from doing those horrible evil deeds!   
Er....Relena, this isn't a good time to be here. Quatre warned.  
Shut up you blonde little freak! Relena spat in Quatre's general direction.  
Heero, Duo, and Wufei gasped.  
uh oh... Duo cried and hid behind Heero.  
Tears welled up in Quatre's eyes.  
.........You're mean!!! Quatre cried pointing at Relena.  
Trowa started huffing and puffing, and he blew Relena all the way to Africa where cannibals ate her Al up. [5] Then Relena had to live on the Island  
where they treated her like fresh pig meat.  
The cannibals tried to eat her but they all got Relena poisoning and so they threw her into   
the water and the sharks ate her all up and the gundam pilots lived happily ever   
after as soon as they finished with their orgy lesson.  
  
THE END.  
  
*************************  
  
1.Poor unsuspecting Trowa...dun dun dun dun duuuuuuum!!!!!  
  
2.Oooooh.....Quatre's a house wife...  
  
3.ahem...Trowa is a hentai..  
  
4. oh I wonder, wonder, wonder, wonder, what's in a wonder bra?......absolutely  
NOTHING!!! BWAAAHAHAHAHHA----Ack... *cough choke*  
  
5. Al is Relena's wonder bra. And yes, the cannibals ate her wonder bra, so now she is  
turning into a man. Tank you! *bows*  
  
Ack!!!*dodges he words hentai being flung at her* I just couldn't help myself!!!   
*get's hit with a purple statue and falls over anime style* ...........itai..........no da........


End file.
